Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Everything I Know, I Learned from Billy

My eyes are up here, you jerk.

Because I am a nonconformist, I pride myself in doing the opposite of  the norm. So, when all of the other Gettin'-in-Shape New Years Resolutionists (Jennifer, thanks for my new fave expression) dropped their declarations like a pair of sweaty athletic socks, I picked 'em up. So to speak. Which really just makes me a post-conformist. But whatever.

So a coulpa weeks ago, I dusted off my embarrassingly giant workout tape/DVD collection and started sweatin'. Not to the Oldies, mind you. I can proudly say that there is no Richard Simmons in my fitness library (heehee, Fitness Library...would a Fitness Librarian still wear oversized safety glasses with her polyester sweatsuit and terry cloth arm bands?) 

I think the unitard is cutting off circulation to her brain.

My favorite selection from my cache are the Billy Blanks workouts. When I first met Billy, he was doin' Tae Bo and I was totally into it. I'll never forget the night when I was still living with the fam that I decided to don my sweats and bust a Tae Bo. Billy and I were round house kicking the tar outta my imaginary opponent (Richard Simmons), when I heard a voice behind me say "Am I doin' it right?". It was my brother Kris with his socks pulled up to his knees, a towel around his neck and a mock look of exertion on his face. I nearly jumped out of my sweats and my skin. Needless to say, I now have a severe case of lookin'-over-my-shoulder paranoia whenever Billy and I do our thang.

 I don't know what bothers me more, the blatant chauvinism or the fact that she's exercising in a vest. 

  One of the things I like best about the workouts are Billy's little life coaching tidbits. Or Billy-isms as I like to call them. I made a list of them and find them to be like daily affirmations of the comical sort. So, here they are:
"I wanna see it in your eyes, focus. Sometimes you may slip away but you gotta stay focused."
I don't know if it's all of the time off I've had lately, but I feel like I've started to lose focus on some things. Started to give up on some things. So, gonna try the focus thing.

"Give some to get some so give it all ya got."
I don't think you can "give it all ya got" to everything. So I'm thinking this is where the focus part comes in to play. Once I narrow down what's worthy of focus and let go of the rest, I think I'll be better able to give it my all.
Okay, now why doesn't my sports bra make me look like that!? 
Marilyn Monroe, you are so totally awesome.

And lastly there's:
"So when you leave this room, make sure you left everything right there on the floor. Don't take it with you."

Okay, I'll be honest with you, I can make no correlations with this one. Does he mean hypothetically, like don't take my worries or my stress? Or, like, for real don't take my smelly shoes and socks? I dunno. Gonna have to ponder this over my upper cuts and reverse round house kicks (take that Richard Simmons. And please invest in more clothing and less Jheri Curl).


  1. I need to get my own copy of "How to Keep Your Husband Happy"....think they carry it at Barnes & Noble?

  2. AH HAH HA HA AHHHH AH HA!!!!! I need to put this pics up somewhere in my house! So funny. I love the "Hey Smile" cover! This is a great post. I want to be like you when I grow up. =) You're like what... two years older then me? I got time.


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