Showing posts with label Tacky Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tacky Christmas. Show all posts

Thursday, December 11, 2014

DIY: Christmas Tablecloth to Lady Skirt

Have you ever found yourself, late at night (and by "late" I mean 10:17pm because it's a school night and that qualifies as, like, super late) behind the wheel of a sewing machine attaching the garland you stripped from your Christmas tree to an already tacky skirt and thought to yourself, "Who am I and why am I creating what's sure to be the tackiest ensemble to date?" 

I dare say, I find myself in these types of situations, asking myself these very questions, more often than I'd like to admit. 
Although, honestly,  at the time of the creation of this skirt, I actually thought it was pretty stinking cute. Granted, that was one biggie-sized glass of grape-flavored grown-up drink into my evening so my judgement mightah been a pinch screwed, er, skewed. It wasn't until the following day when I decided my Candy Cane Cons were the perfect addition my ensemble that I was met with some criticism. In the form of a second grader. Which sounded a lil bit like this:

Second Grade Girl: Mrs. Stephens, [smiling sweetly] I really like your skirt and I really like those shoes but I don't know if I really like them together. I don't wanna hurt your feelings but I bet you would look cuter in your heels.

I took that kind commentary much better than the hubs who gave me one up/down look and said, "That is not one of my favorite outfits of yours." Or the co-worker who exclaimed, "Ohhh, that is baaaaad, Cassie." 
Yeah, well, you win some...

And, honestly, since you don't give a rat's pah-tootie what anyone else thinks, you win some more. Whilst looking like Christmas up-chucked on you. Cuz it's what you do.
Wait, whuuut? You too wanna look like some sort of Christmas-obsessed tackless maniac? Well, sister-friend, get in line. And allow me to show you how it's done. 

Start by hitting the thrift stores, ebay and etsy-town to find just the tacky Christmas tree skirt or tablecloth you might need. This shouldn't be hard. Since most people in the universe have good taste, they have a habit of avoiding the ugly. Because I'm a firm believe in Leave No Christmas Crap Behind, I always find a plethora of glittery-gaudy-goodness. Once you've gotten your kitten mittens on a tree skirt/tablecloth, find yourself a circle skirt pattern. I scored mine on etsy a while back. I simply use the waist and waistband pattern for my alterations. You can read more details about that super simple process in last year's post Tree Skirt to Lady Skirt in 60 Minutes or Less
And what's a tacky Christmas skirt without some garland gaudiness, hmmm? Not even worth the effort, says me. Garland Stitching Hazard: Your sewing room floor WILL look like you slaughtered Tinker Bell as it will be covered in glittery pixie-dust-esque goodness. Since this isn't my first trip down garland stitching lane, I've learned a thang or two: set your machine on the zigzag stitch (so it catches more of the garland) and avoid pinning as you'll never EVER be able to find those dang sparkly pins in that dang sparkly garland. Which could ultimately result in you sitting down in said skirt and sitting down on said pins. In your garland-y gluteus maximus. You can take a visit to the World's Tackiest Sweater that I garland-ized here, if you think your eyes can handle the glory. 
Dang, you want more tacky skirt sassiness? Well, here's a look-see at last years attempt...
And yet another. Cuz if it's one thing I am, it's consistently tacky. 
And, would you find this incredibly hard to believe...I have yet another tacky Christmas tree skirt to lady skirt in the works. Oh and friends, just you wait. You ain't seen nuthin' yet.

So, I gotta ask, what tackiness are you sporting this holiday season? 

AND is this really as bad as co-worker, kid and hubs say? (if the answer is "no" feel free to not comment). 
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Monday, December 23, 2013

DIY: Christmas Tablecloth to Skirt AND Gold Dotted Boots!

Is it really any wonder that all the poor Christmas trees in my house are sans skirts?! I've just about robbed all of 'em for my current skirt-making craze! Poor naked trees. 

Well {sniff}, I hate to say it but {wiping away tears}, this just might be the last of the Christmas outfits I create this season {uncontrollable sobbing, obnoxious nose blowing}. Which is probably a good thing because, let's be honest, I just...

 Can't-Stop-Christmas-izing-My-Wardrobe.

(we can't stop; we won't stop...you know that's what Miley was singin bout ya'll.)

 It's become a sickness, kids. And it's probably for the best that the Big Day is almost here so that the Christmas-ize-ing comes to an end (huh, Christmas-ize sounds a whole lot like Jazzercise which means that I'm probably burning calories and perfecting my jazz-hands all whilst crafting away. I knew there was a health benefit in there somewheres!)
Now you may recall that this is not my first time down Christmas Skirt lane. After transforming this tree skirt to a lady skirt, I decided to give this lovely table cloth a new life. I scored it on ebay (can you believe I was the only bidder?! Wait...don't answer that) after having fallen in love with all of it's felt-y cuteness.
I mean, can I get an "aww" here? When Dasher's not running out in front of our (now demolished) car, he's prancing through the woods (wait, would that make this deer Prancer? Because he looks just like Dasher, Dancer and/or Blitzen. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL 'EM APART?! At least Rudolph's got his red nose and Vixen's got her vixen-y ways. It's called bein' different, deers. Ya'll outta try it).

Okay, where was I?
Oh, yeah, I totes loved all of the woodland scenes on this table cloth. It's what made my finger twitch and hit the Click to Buy button.
However, what I WASN'T prepared for was creeper-face Santa Claus! Holy Candy Canes, ya'll! Looks like Super Paranoid Claus to me. Using my amazing felted-Santa-mind-reading-skillz, here's what I've deduced Santa is thinking:

I wonder if anyone will notice I stole Rudolph's nose?

That sales lady at JCPenny's said vertical stripes were slimming...but I'm not so sure.

Oh, Fruitcakes! My suspender just broke! If these pants fall down then EVERYONE will know I wear women's panties!

That sales lady was right, Mom Jeans aren't just for moms. I look HAWT...or do I?!

I wonder if anyone will notice I stole a baby polar bear and strapped it to my chin.

(Okay, I seriously think I could do this for hours. For your sake [and Santa's], I'll stop.)
I went about creating this skirt the exact same way I did the tree-skirt-to-lady-skirt. I simply placed my circle skirt pattern over the twice-folded table cloth and (loosely) followed the pattern directions. I'm not trying to be vague with my directions here...it's just that there's probably a much better way to go about doing this. I'm a crappy teacher. Just don't tell my students. Oh, wait, they know that already. Don't tell their parents.
You'll notice that Santa is no where to be found on the front of this skirt. I strategically placed that dude on my back side (he's on the other side of the log cabin taking a leak). 

Now! Let's chat about my other DIY in this here post: My Gold Dotted Boots!
Please don't look too closely, these babies are a hawt mess. And totally responsible for my two new gray hairs.
I began with these ankle boots I scored on Black Friday for a mere $10. I already have a black, brown and embroidered pair of ankle boots so I picked these up with the sole intent of DIY'ing them. By the way, this is off topic (like everything else here) but hubs seems to think that ankle boots are the ugliest thing known to man. It's his belief that instead of birth control, women could simply don a pair of these bad boys. I'm pretty sure he feels about these the way I feel about dudes in skinny shorts.
But! This post isn't about birth control and skinny shorts (...or is it?). Back to the DIY at hand. I started by sketching in my dots in chalk. I used the same Gold Leafing Kit that I used on this DIY. You simply paint on the adhesive and let it sit up and become tacky. "Sit up and become tacky"...that sounds like my morning routine!
Then you place the gold leafing sheet on top and rub. The deal is it's supposed to stick to the adhesive.
Which, as you can see, doesn't always work out that way. Now, I'm kinda of a mess but when it comes to my crafting, I like it to be pretty perfect-ish. And this here drove me absolutely nuts(-er). For many of the dots, I had to go back, add adhesive where the leafing didn't take and try again. In the end, I cheated a little by painting in some of the dots...and others, I just decided to let it go. From a distance, they look pretty good. Close up, I like to pretend they appear "antiqued".
I chatted in a blog post last year about my DIY Christmas decor. Read mo' here.
To finish the boots off, I'd been looking all over the place for boot toppers. Turns out you can simply turn your leg warmers inside out, fold 'em down a coupla times and, viola!, you have boot toppers!
A word about my ridiculous head piece. I found it at JoAnn's last year on the super duper after Christmas clearance rack. I added the two smaller green trees...but I still had several kids tell me, "You look like a Christmas Unicorn!" 

Kids, thank you so much for dropping by! PLEASE don't forget to click to vote for your favorite pick-up line on the right side of this post. I'll announce the winner by the end of this week!

I doubt I'll chat with you again until after the Christmas so I hope you have a merry one! Beware of the Creeper Santa and the Christmas Unicorn!

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Monday, December 16, 2013

DIY: A Felted Christmas Sweater and a Contest!

You know, sometimes (ahem, most the time) I take photos that look so hokey, I just gotta make fun of myself. Case in point: in the above picture, I kinda look like I just delivered a super cheesy pick up line that I'm mighty proud of. So for the occasion, I scoured the interweb (and my imagination) for The Best Art Teacher Pick Up Lines known to man. Singles-Seeking-Artsy-Types, get that pencil and notebook ready because what I'm about to deliver is nothin' short of epic:

Baby, if you were a Sharpie, you'd be Super Fine.

Hotness, are you an alien? Because your art skillz are Outta This World.

You're so fine, I bet you'd make an Impression on Monet.

Are you a Jackson Pollock? Cuz you just splattered my heart all over the floor! (Like, ew).

Wait a minute, are you a Dali? Because anything as beautiful as you is just surreal.
Outfit details: dotted blouse: Old Navy; original sweater (pre-felting): Buffalo Exchange, Old Navy label; jeans: Target; boots: Hunter
Oh, you think you can do better than that (let's be honest, you totally can)? Well, okay then. I've decided to open this up to a little competition. Leave your very best artsy pick up line(s) in the comments. I'll share 'em in an upcoming post and we'll have a little vote for the best. THE WINNER will receive some totally awesome and amazing gift (read: I've not completely thought this through so I have NO idea what the winner will actually receive but if I were to guess I'd say it will be some unwanted Christmas gift like a stinky candle or smelly lotion. Which reminds me of the time during my first year of teaching, one of my students gifted me lotion called "Body Fantasies" that he said his dad picked out. Awk.Ward. All that to say, that's probably what the winner will receive. Which strikes me as totally appropriate).

So! Please leave your best artsy pick up lines below. I'm so excited to see what you come up with!

But, since this is supposed to be a DIY post, I guess I should talk about my latest Anthro-felted copycat sweater. Now this makes my fifth Anthro-inspired felted sweater (my first, with detailed directions here; next up was this number as well as the skirt; the most time-consuming sweater of all was this one here; and this fall's owlish sweater) and my umpteenth sweater DIY. When I saw this super cute sweater (no longer available, originally priced at $118), my first thought was "I can felt that!" So I kept my eyes pealed (does anyone else hate that saying besides me?!) at the resale shops and found this Old Navy number for $8. Take that, Anthropologie. I just saved myself a whopping $110 that I will most assuredly spend at your store sooner or later.
I began by sketching the little guy out. Feel free to steal this image for your own sweater. I did.
Once I got him placed on my sweater, I decided two things: one, my drawing was too small. So I simply laid it on another sheet of paper and drew it larger. And second, just having the dog alone was boring. I wanted something a little Christmas-y so I decided to put a wreath in his mouth and lose the tongue.
I went about felting this pup the same way I did my Crazy Cat Lady Sweater: I cut out my image; created an outline by felting 100% wool yarn around my drawing; filled in my drawing with wool roving. It's really that easy, ya'll.
The good news is, if you screw it up, you are only out what little you paid at the thrift store. And if you really really  don't like it, you can have a pick-up-line competition on your blog and simply give it away! It's truly a win-win (or a win-sorry, suckas!) any way you look at it.
Now for the wreath, I didn't have any "festive" green, just a lime and natural green. So I used a combo of them both and felted some leafy shapes. This went by fairly quickly which made me happy because I tend to be "over it" after just about an hour of any activity. Except Chocolate-Eating-Competitions. For that I'm good for dayssss.
After felting the wreath for a while, I decided I needed to add a bow. Which seems to be a bit of a theme as both the Crazy Cat Lady Sweater and the Owl Sweater feature bows.
...almost finished...
And, viola! A super grainy close up for your viewing pleasure! Once complete, I did flip the sweater inside out and give it a good ironing. And even though I'll only get to wear this Christmas-themed sweater a couple times a year, I'm glad I added the wreath. I like the bit of festive color it adds as opposed to all that black and white.
Just a little behind-the-scenes story for you: my fat furry friend here is in love with my tripod. Which makes taking these pictures a little difficult as she's usually rubbing her face all over the tripod legs causing the camera to shake when I'm attempting these cheese-ball photos of mine. When she's not slobbering all over the tripod, she's kind of dancing in and out of the legs. Hubs has likened it to a kitty cat stripper pole. To get her away from the tripod, I'm usually calling her which means she engages in a little photo-bombing. And, let's be honest, this sweet girl totally steals the show every time.

And, there ya have it, folks! 

Wait, before you go, I just gotta ask: Are you a Seurat because you have so many beautiful points!

Don't forget to leave your best pick-up lines in the comments below for the Best Artsy Pick-Up Line Contest! Feel free to enter as may as you like. Chat with you soon!




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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

DIY: Tree Skirt to Lady Skirt in 60 Minutes or Less

This year, we started a weekly sewing group at my school which is strictly Adults Only. As soon as the kids are piled onto the bus and sent on their merry way, we clear the tables of art-making shrapnel (because, let's face it, it always looks like a craft store exploded in my art room), bust out the ironing board and sewing machines, mix ourselves a coupla drinks (coffee, that is) and set to work. Most of the lovely ladies that attend have little sewing experience which makes me their (completely inadequate) leader. Frightening thought, no?

Now what I love about this group is that they are fearless. When we first began, we all tackled the same project: A Reversible Waist Apron. Once that (first time for many) project was finished, these sewing rockstars were ready to tackle anything! So far they've created such sewing wonders as more aprons, a stocking, baby clothes, grown people clothes, etc. You name it, they're gonna make it. 

So when one of them shared a pinterest pic of a tree skirt gone lady skirt, there was a collective "Eeeee! Let's make one!"
The vintage pattern I used was Simplicity...and it might have been a little too simplistic for my taste. You see that wee gap at the back of the waistband? Totally not addressed in the pattern. No add a button, stitch in a hook and eye, staple together, none of that! I'm thinking of adding a hook and eye...but for now the prob was solved with a black belt-addage.

Since I'd be helping these ladies along (and because I was SUPER excited about this idea), I decided to get a jump start on my tree skirt makin' and trouble shoot the making of such. First step: Finding the Perfect Tree Skirt. I knew I wanted it cheap and vintage (exactly how I like my wine) and a quick trip down etsy/ebay lane lead to the click-to-buy purchases of this little lovely and that denim number a coupla photos down.

When I blabbed about it on Facebook, several buddies reminded me of this episode of Designing Women where Bernice dons a tree skirt and the following goes down:

Mary Jo: Bernice, why are you wearing your Christmas tree skirt?
Bernice: Well, this is the skirt you gave me for Christmas.
Mary Jo: Yes, I know. It's not to wear. It's a Christmas tree skirt. You're supposed to put it around the base of your Christmas tree.
Bernice: Oh! Well, no wonder. I like to never got this thing on. I finally just let the waist out and tied it with a belt.

And that's TOTALLY what I did! 

(P.S. Should Mary Jo REALLY be throwing stones when she's wearing shoulder pads AS BIG AS HER HEAD?! Me thinks not.)
But before we get into all that, lemme just tell you that this skirt is huge. Add a crinoline underneath and it's huge-er. So much so that one 2nd grader inquired, "What's under that thing that makes it so poofy!?" At one point my wide-poofy-ness totally swallowed one kindergartener and knocked down two others. AND at bus duty, the whole skirt decided to blow STRAIGHT UP in the air. Thankfully, nobody saw that happen...or so I thought until a dad walked up behind me and said, "Be careful of that wind!"

Doggone poofyness.
So, just how does one go about turning a tree skirt into a big a$$ poofy lady skirt in 60 minutes? Well, get yo'self a tree skirt. There are some cute ones at Kohl's, Marshall's, TJMaxx, yo mama's house, you name it. If you shop online, make sure that you check the diameter of the skirt. I chose ones that were between 45-50". 

STILL can't find one? Dang, you are picky. Use a cute round tablecloth! 

Then, if you can get your kitten mittens on a circle skirt pattern, that might make your life easier, but it's not necessary. Measure your waist (always a pleasure) and create a paper circle that has the same diameter. With that, simply open your skirt (or tablecloth), center the circle and cut it out. From the circle, decide where you want the back to be (or side if you want to have a side zip) and cut down 9". Then, try on the skirt and make sure your hips can fit comfortably through the opening. If so, let's move on! If not, cut a little more until they do.

Circle skirt pattern friends, you got it made. Add the pattern to your skirt and cut. Here I am cutting the waist of the skirt to size. You can see the original tree skirt opening above my pattern.
Now my skirt was not open at all, as some tree skirts are, it simply had a hole in the center. So I proceeded to cut all the way from the opening to the bottom of the skirt. Which was super stupid. I shoulda just cut that length of the zipper. Sometimes my brain is off. Since I had cut to the bottom, I followed the directions above. I trust you can read 'em cuz I'm too lazy to type. Been a long bossing-children-around kind of day.
When it comes to adding zippers, I ALWAYS use this Scotch Tape trick. You can read the details here (again, too lame to move fingers around the keyboard for you). Once that little detail was complete, I created and attached the waistband. 

To create the waistband patternless, you'll need to cut a piece of fabric (I used denim because it was thicker and stronger than cotton and could handle the weight of my skirt. Because she's a heavy b%tch). The fabric should be 4" longer than the waist of your skirt and about 4" in height. Attach that to your waistband with right sides together and stitch. Once attached, fold waistband up and iron. Now, fold waistband in half lengthwise, tuck a 1/2" under and sew a topstitch across the waist. Those extra 2" on each side? Tuck them on the inside of the skirt and topstitch the crap outta 'em. 

Wow. Awesome directions. Do you see why I kinda feel sorry for those ladies in the sewing group?
Yayness! One Tacky Tree Skirt complete, one to go! Which is after I said, "no more Christmas clothes!"...meanwhile there's a felted sweater in the works and a dress on my cuttin' table. I've got Christmas-itis in a bad bad way.

Later, kids!
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