Monday, September 28, 2009

Turtle Power!

On our weekend road trip adventure, we traveled to Lewisburg, Shelbyville and Lynchburg, TN (that's right, home of Jack Daniels, a Southern staple). At journey's end, we found ourselves buzzing home, Mitch dialing around on the radio and me knitting (yes! knitting!) and slurping gas station coffee. Suddenly, Mitch says, "Was that a turtle about to cross the road?!" Not wanting to drop a stitch, I just mumble an "I dunno" when someone decides to jerk the wheel and pull a Dukes of Hazzard style turn-around on the highway. Coffee a-spillin' and curse words a-flyin', we speed on back to where Mitch swore he saw the poor about-to-be-a-turtle-pancake dude.

Throwin' the car in nuetral, Mitch hops out and goes to save the lil' guy from road kill ruin (FYI, it's okay to scoop up and dine on road kill in some states. I'm sure TN qualifies). As he bends down to pick up the turtle, it goes all anaconda on him, whipping it's head around and snapping at him. I literally see Mitch jump a perfect 3 foot verical in the air while screaming "Did you see that?!" Um, only part of it, I was knitting.

"Try again," I holler from the comfort of the car, this time setting my knitting down and picking up the camera. What, you think I'm going out there and touching that thing? Shoot, I've tried turtle soup before and it wasn't that bad. Let the monster get squished.

The battle continues. Mitch attempting to pick up the turtle and the turtle going all Linda Blair from The Exorcist. Finally, Mitch uses our giant car atlas to scoot the guy to safety. And just when Mitch is back in the comfort of our car, doncha know I send him back out for photos.

If you kiss a frog and he becomes a prince, what happens if you kiss this thing? I'm guessin' Fabio. Or David Hasselhoff.

Oh, speaking of knitting, here's mine. I'm now working on a scarf. Okay, I know that sounds like a total easy-peasy project, but this scarf is going to be ribbed (for her pleasure). Doncha love how the 1950's knitting illustration is totally throwin' out the bird? Yeah, that's how I usually feel when I'm knitting!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mona Mona

Somewhere Mona and Leonardo are rolling over in their graves. Presumably not together.
My students are currently learning about all things Leonardo da Vinci. Thing No. 1: He is not related to Leonardo Dicaprio (whose name comes up before ole da Vinci's when googled, if you can believe that. Guess he really is "King of the World"). Thing No. 2: He is not a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I get many an "awwww!" when delivering this sad news. Bummer for certain.

To introduce Mona and with Halloween quickly approaching, I thought I'd dress up as the ole gal. I originally got this great idea from art teacher Debi West (whom you should also google after drooling over pics of Dicaprio). Not sure how long I can sustain an Italian accent before I just start uttering words like spha-ghett-ie and meatah-ball but hopefully I'll be able to "offer them an art project they can't refuse". What, you didn't know Mona was in the mafia? That was a pistol she was packin' under them robes!

Okay, time for some role play! (you didn't just read that....)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Unibrows Unite!

My family and I, we are not what you would call "high brow". I'm pretty sure an affinity for UFC wrestling and deep fried snack foods disqualifies one immediately. However, we are not so low brow that we cannot appreciate The Fine Arts (...thus making us "unibrow"? Hmm. Not sure how I feel about this...).
Yesterday my mom and I went through a 13 million dollar mansion that was hosting an art exhibit. You pay a little money for charity and have complete reign of the house under the guise that you are admiring the sculptures of Rodin (that dude that sculpted The Thinker) when really you are opening the refridgerator door and hollering "Damn! Jeffery Dahmer coulda fit a truck load of peeps in here!" (We overheard that conversation, of course. We would never say anything so low brow).

It's really pretty amazing what 13 mil will get you these days. 36 acres, something called an infinity pool, a movie theatre room, 2 dishwashers and 2 fridges in the spance of a kitchen the size of my house. We had a lot of fun poking around. I have voyeristic tendencies and this adventures satisifed those nicely.

We were feeling pretty high brow after leaving the posh digs and decided to hit the Whole Foods market for some upscale grub. While in line, mom and I were having the following convo:

What's that fancy word they call steak when it's not cooked?
Me: Um...raw (I say slowly like I'm speaking to one of my students).
Mom: No, there's a fancy word for it. The steak is brown on the outside but raw on the inside.
Me turning to the check out dude: What's a fancy word for steak that isn't cooked and don't say "raw".
Check Out Dude: All I got is "raw".
Random Lady in next check out line over: It's called Steak Tar-Tar!
Mom: That's it! Steak Tar-Tar!
Check Out Dude: I think you both are Steak Tar-Tar Tarded.


Guess our unibrow was showing. What up, Frida!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mi Casa es Su Casa

I'm not a very, um, cleanly person. Meaning that most of my dishes are cleanish (Mitch likes to do a sniff test of the glasses in the cupboard while I like to flick off leftover grime with my fingernails), things are kinda picked up (because they are shoved in closets) and you can almost see the hardwood floor through the cat hair. But even this amount of clean is not without effort. I'm not a picker-upper-after-yourselfer. I only do that if I'm expecting company and even then, I need plenty of warning. For example, my mom's coming into town this weekend. Plenty of time for me to actually put the toilet paper onto the dispenser-thingie and clear the food outta the fridge that came with us when we moved...three years ago.

Speaking of expectin' cump'ny, our school is hosting an Open House tomorrow night. So on top of not cleaning my house, I've also not been cleaning my classroom. I'm tryin' to keep it reals, you see. Wouldn't want the parents to get the wrong idea.
The kids and I have managed to get their amazing masterpieces on display. They've been working since the beginning of the year on their stars (because my kids are Art Stars, you see...Art Rock Stars, I think). First day, we learned how to fold and cut out a 5-pointed star (thanks, Ann!), then we discussed line, design and pattern to decorate the sections of the star. This was followed by chats about color theory and correct marker use (my scented markers only smell good, Johnny, they don't taste good). From there we ventured into the world of autobiographical writing (an English teacher I am not, sorry Aunt Lottie). Finally, we chalkafied these bad boys, turned our star into a pop out and glued it onto our backgrounds. Whew! Can you now see why it's taken us so long?! We're absolutely beat. It's colorin' sheets till the end of the year!

Meanwhile, in Kindergartenland, we've been creating sculptures. You know, the kind that got me fired last Friday (read my last post). This one here is a "Spooky Tree" says the artist. Any kind of tree that grows styrofoam is pretty freaky to me. I'm sure it's something Al Gore warned us about.

Look who dropped in uninvited! Caught these pretty guys grazing as I pulled into my neighborhood yesterday. They're always welcome! You other folks, call first, okay? I'll rinse a glass out fer ya!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Feel the Love

It was Friday afternoon. I only had a half an hour to go before my weekend began. The day had been going pretty well until Kindergartenland descended upon the art room. The kiddos were seemingly happily creating sculptures (not of the hammer and chisel variety, more like the pipe cleaner and packing peanut sort) when I hear a kindergartener holler above the happy creative buzz: "I QUIT! THIS IS TOO HARD! I QUIT AND YOU'RE FIRED!"

And it just went to Hades in a handbasket from there. A lot of crying, screaming and kicking ensued. But once I got my emotions under control, I had a chat with the lovely lass. Informed her that she could not fire me, she was stuck with me. "Humph. I'm tired of you!" was the reply. Yes, Friday afternoon was a regular love-in in the art room.
Saturday afternoon was different. It was the trunk show at Nashville Clothing Company and it was great. I got to meet the other local designers (photos of their awesome jewelry) who were so much fun, chat with the employees of NCC and see buddies! So many friends made time to drop in that I really felt the love. Buddies from school, art teacher pals and even a couple of my kiddos parents. I know it wasn't easy to make time in the middle of a thank you.

I managed to sell 7 belts too! Yippie!

Hey, look! It's Jaime voguing in her finished knitted hat! Adorkable, right? I decided to loosen the drawsting on mine and turn it into a tube top. It's going to be all the rage next summer, just you wait.

P.S. Would you believe that Jaime is standing in my bathroom?! Looks like the Rainforest Cafe, right? It's got a rock climbing wall too, in case you are so inclined after relieving yourself.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I No Spank Amerian

I'm pretty tired. It's 5pm, I've got a cake in the oven (pray for me), I'm going to attempt dinner for the first time in weeks (remember the cookie blob?)...and I can't even remember where I was going with this sentence. Sad, right? I mean, I had a 3 day weekend! I should be rejuvenated not experiencing narcolepsy in the middle of the afternoon.

It got so bad at one point today that one of the kids asked "What language are you speaking?" in all seriousness, sans sarcasm. Thankfully one of the kids answered for me. "She's spankin' American, cain't you understand her?" (and no, the word "spankin" isn't a typo...).

The reason I'm tired and not rejuvenated and not spankin' American is cuz I spent the weekend sewing belts. Nashville Clothing Company is having a trunk show this Saturday and I'm to be there selling some of my belts. Since my stock had gotten kind of slim over the past couple of weeks, I thought this weekend would be a good time to sew up a storm. So I sent Mitch packing (backpacking, that is) and stitched till my eyes crossed, caught up on Project Runway and then stitched some more. In all, I made over 30 new belts. Still have plenty more to go before Saturday.

I thought I'd throw in a couple pictures of some new belts. I'm trying some different textures and glazes with the buckles.

I'm also experimenting with a variety of widths. Some of the belts are on the skinny side and some are super wide.

So, if you are in the neighborhood (that's the Cool Springs area...Nashville Clothing Company is across the street from P.F. Changs) on Saturday afternoon, it'd be great if you could stop by. There will be other local designers there...several amazing jewelry and accessory designers...and I do believe the advert reads "sip wine". You can't go wrong there! If anything, perhaps you can drop by and help me brush up on my "American".

Adios! Chao! BuhBye.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Meet Me in St. Louie

I grew up in a very religious home. I was never allowed to cut my hair (or trim my eyebrows, apparently) and could only wear wrist-length and ankle length dresses of the floral variety. I could handle snakes with the best of them and zone into an on-the-floor, speaking-in-tongues trace at the drop of a hymnal. I was even fitted for a Chastity Belt, but my parents figured that the dress/hair combo pretty much took care of any sinnin'. Which church did I attend? The United Church of Ugly, of course.

Okay, I lied. The only religion in this photo is the devotion to all things wrong with 9th grade and theater. These precious gems where taken after the performance of Meet Me in St. Louie. The other pic is of my Aunt Judy (yes, I said mom, her sister and my grandma were all knocked up at the same time. Guess who else never got fitted for that Chastity Belt?). Isn't Judy cute? She managed to pull off the fugly floral way better than I.

Why am I posting these...? Good question. I recently sent 16 belts and 2 displays to a couple of stores in St. Louis, MO! They are both in an area called Maplewood, for those of you familiar. One shop is called The Blue Pineapple and the other, Tigerlily. Cute names, right? The locale of the stores reminded me of this play performance from long ago. Since I don't currently have pics of the stores, I thought I'd share these beauties...before I burn them, that is!

Thank you, Rob, for all of your help with these couple of stores!

Okay, off to find that snake...